The impossible struggle of school and being sick

The ringing in my ears would not stop. I had more than 20 blood-soaked cotton balls next to my bed, while I was stuffing more cotton in my ears. Getting out of bed had become a joke, and eating was rare. All my mind could think about was the school and the swim practices. I was missing and the swim practices.
I was out of school for at least three weeks. In and out of doctors’ offices, in and out of the hospital trying to keep myself together. I couldn’t focus on getting better when I was so stressed about the unknown. Would I be allowed to finish the semester? Would I be able to get my grades up? I was torn between getting myself better and going to school.
I tried to do homework, look online at my classes and comprehend what was going on. I was completely lost. Eventually it got to the point where my body took over and all I did was sleep. I couldn’t lift my own glass of water, let alone a pencil. I was in a constant dazed state. I couldn’t tell what was a dream and what was reality.
I dreamt that life was back to normal, that I was swimming and all of my grades were up. In those moments I was finally at peace. As soon as I woke up and the realization slapped me in the face I felt even more sick to my stomach.
My dreams and aspirations were dwindling just like my weight. Only weighing 100 pounds to begin with I had no weight to lose, but, I lost 12 pounds. I thought of myself as a failure. I watched as all of my goals flung into a downward spiral.
I was letting my team down, I was letting my teachers down, and of course I had let myself down. I went from placing in swim meets and being on the honor roll to being that girl who could barely walk to the fridge without passing out.
I knew I had to go to finals week. I took countless antibiotics, perpetually put in ear drops, and tried to eat as much as I could. The night before I went back to school I couldn’t sleep. I was so afraid of the looks of scorn and the disapproving lectures.
Everyone teased me about resurrecting from the dead, and I could laugh about that. Homework piled up, and I tried to organize all of it while I studied for finals.
I was surprised when most of my teachers were sweet and considerate. They reminded me that they are human too, and not some great force that needs to be feared. They helped me come up with a plan and asked about my wellbeing. Very few brushed me to the side and were angry with me. I had finally decided I was going to succeed.
This week may be the week from hell for me, but I will get caught up on all of my assignments. I’m not doing it for anyone else but myself. With all of the heartwarming support of my teachers and family I will come back.
The school will decide as it will whether or not I’m allowed to receive my credits, but I’m not going down without a fight. I am here to stand back up, and bring back my reputation. Even though I’m still recovering I’m going to give this my all.
This is an experience to remember and I have way more supporters than I thought I did. I thought I was alone and no one would understand. Everything would be my fault. I thought I had to fight this alone. My parents were there every step of the way. I owe them a debt of gratitude All of my teachers want me to succeed, and I cannot thank them enough for their support. I do not want to disappoint. Here begins the path of success.