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The student news site of C. M. Russell High School

Rustler News

The student news site of C. M. Russell High School

Rustler News

Pick it up or drop it

Isn’t it time we all learned how to pick up a significant other without something going wrong? Being a penny pincher and going cheap doesn’t mean you have to use a trashy pick-up line.

                Throughout history man has been using what is now called icebreakers to start a conversation with a stranger, but this coveted technique that includes the pick-up line is now being used in a disgracefully tasteless fashion. We all know what I’m talking about; the perverted or disgusting pick-up lines such as the classic, “Excuse me but does this smell like chloroform to you?” or if we prefer to go gross, “My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can’t hold it in.”  

                When did the majority of people start to think it was OK to make everyone else uncomfortable with only one statement? So I’m proposing a cure to bad pick-up lines starting with a simple three step process. First realizing we have an addiction to bad pick-up lines, second ACCEPTING and understanding this problem, and finally dealing with the issue.

                Step one-Realizing we have a problem

                 It’s time to take a look at each time we’ve gone up to a stranger and used what we all thought was a  cunningly good  pick-up line and for some reason when we used thus pick-up line the stranger either gave us a weird look, slapped us, or laughed at us with their friends and walked away. That’s the first sign that we need a cure to the bad pick up lines. If time after time this has happened, it’s probably because that cunningly good  pick up line was actually about as creative as a 3- year-old scribbling with crayons. Yes you do end up with a result, but it’s not going to be the masterpiece or the perfect ending you had in mind.

                Step two-Accepting and understanding

                So now that we realize what is actually going on, let’s go into the past and see what has happened with pick up lines when past generations used them. We’re going to start before technology and men had control over the world, and go all the way back to the B.C. era. Right after dinosaurs got wiped out with an asteroid and man started showing up.

                Just like any other time era the cavemen and cavewomen had mating rituals. Theirs started out with meeting an equally hairy and unclean human being. Of course language and communication was just starting back then so for the sake of making this easy, were just going to say the translation of a pick-up line from back then might have been something such as, “you know…. I hate to brag but I invented the wheel.” Maybe not the most creative pickup line and definitely a little egotistical, but that would have probably made a smelly caveman look twice at him.

                Now let’s fast forward to the Ancient time period when Egypt and pharaohs ruled and civilization was on a rise. In Egypt if you were a pharaoh it wouldn’t be so hard to get a woman, but what about the workers. They needed to try something to get a beautiful woman. Not having a case full of extravagant jewels or the ability to make men bow at their feet put them at a serious disadvantage. But this was where creativity failed them because something like this non-classy pick-up line would never get woman, and probably left many workers wifeless.

                “Girl you are so pretty, and I’m not just saying that because you’re my half-sister.”

                Skipping over the era of the Renaissance because who really needed a pick-up line when you could give someone a piece of art. Finally we can talk about our time period. The Modern era where pick up lines range from a definite yes to keep talking, or a smack to the face.

                Step three- Dealing with the issue

                In today’s society it’s all about how well you make someone laugh. All we need to do is be creative, and well if we can’t draw up a single ounce of creativity, there’s always Google. But if we still can’t find that perfect pick-up line to use we can fall back on this classic pick up line, thanks to harry potter.

                “Going to bed? Mind if I Slytherin?”

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