I really disliked school, and I wasn’t sure why. One day I thought about it, what are the pros and cons of school? When I thought everything over, the pros outweigh the cons. I mostly hated being around so many people and getting up early. 

School is weird. It’s a really good experience and a terrible one at the same time. I don’t like being around certain people, the ones who judge and are rude for no reason. But I’m also really lucky to have all of my great teachers and friends at school to make it more tolerable, even enjoyable. I feel overwhelmed and normal at the same time. What I didn’t realize school did was distract me from myself — until now.

Sometimes school made me feel awful, but  it was me most of the time. When I found out school was cancelled I was shocked. I thought it would never happen to Great Falls because there aren’t that many people here. But I was on my way home, in the car with my mom, and got a phone call from a friend. She was so excited talking fast and happily. She told me the things she wanted to do, the sleepovers we could have. I should’ve been excited, but I wasn’t. I felt blank. Maybe I was overwhelmed, but I felt uneasy thinking about the problems in the world and when we might go back to school. I have an amazing schedule with good teachers I may not have next year. I don’t want that to go away early but we’re going through a crisis and need to be carefuI. The news wasn’t something I wanted to watch. I didn’t really think about the virus. I never thought it wasn’t a big deal. I just chose not to think about it — or talk about.

Though I wasn’t thrilled school was out, I eventually chose to take advantage of this time and sleep in, but my mom cut that off really quick and made sure I got up by 10 a.m. everyday to get ready and start my day. That’s a good time to get up, so I wasn’t arguing. 

Since school has been out I have been doing my school assignments, going to work at Hardee’s some days, and going on a drive with my mom and baby brother when we’re overwhelmed and need some air. When I have free time I have nothing but TV, my phone and my thoughts. Sometimes that’s nice. Some good shows have come out on Netflix such as Elite that I can binge to distract myself. I could also go on my phone and scroll for hours on Tik Tok until I get bored. But when I don’t have anything else to watch and I don’t want to go on my phone, all I have is my thoughts. I’ve been feeling super insecure lately; I never knew going to school and getting ready made me feel so confident.

I have anxiety and a perfection issue. My anxiety has been worse than usual, and it’s frustrating. Everything is uncertain, and it gives me an uneasy feeling. I don’t want school to be out for the rest of the year. I want to learn face to face. I want to go to class. Classes are better than I thought they’d be online, but I don’t know what I’ll miss if I’m not at school.